The
Ulvika Rules of Moving House
By
Darcy
@DarcyBancroft
http://www.ulvikanorwegianforestcats.com
Moving
home is a traumatic life experience for humans, but when you are a member of a
family of 9 Ulvika Norwegian Forest Cats, you approach the topic with trepidation.
The
first we heard of our impending return to Yorkshire was on Mother’s Day, when I
overheard Ulvika Management discussing how nice it would be to return “home”.
She was in long discussions with the owner of my grand children, Ulvika Martha
Hunter Bills and Ulvika Atticus Skywalker Rasputin of Freshfield. Martha, Cuss
and I have had lengthy discussions about the
nature of our owners’ relationship. We were told they “worked” together
for 11 years. But it seems to us that they did very little other than stand
around chatting and ‘analysing spreadsheets of very dull statistics about Local
Authority Performance’. Doesn’t sound like work to us....
Humans
talk and talk over their phones –but I twitched my fabulous ear furnishings when I heard the
phrase “and you’ll help us with the cats, won’t you?”
I
immediately called an emergency meeting of the Ulvika COBRA Committee set up for the purpose of discussing imminent
erratic human behaviour that might affect us. Naturally, I chair this
committee, as I am the most vocal and by far the most decisive of the family
and the others tend to do as I say – or I simply drone on.... and on....and
on...as my followers on Twitter will verify - but I digress. “Not again” was
the overall reaction, and several older Ulvikas wandered off for a quick
biscuit or two, but I had to remind them that each move we have made has been quite
successful as long as the humans understand the rules. I thought you might like
me to share them with you.
Ulvika Rules of Moving House
- If a move looks inevitable, ensure that your
owners are reminded of any bad habits you may have picked up over the years.
Immediately. This will ensure they look at an alternative property bearing
these habits in mind. The clawing of wooden banisters is a case in point.
So is peeing by the front door on particularly good quality carpet.
- If any of the younger female members of the
family are about to call, ensure that they are booked in for several weeks
with their respective stud’s owner, so they do not become difficult or
distressed during a move.
- Any relevant “cat paperwork” should be kept to
hand in case of emergencies. Humans
do not enjoy searching for vaccination certificates and blood test results
when they are lurking in packing cases full of files labelled
“Cats/General 2013”.
- Never allow humans to book removal firms
before first checking that their best friends are available at least a
week beforehand to deconstruct and reassemble cat pens and cat runs at the
new home.
- A visit to a large pet store is always a good
idea to investigate whether there are any cat carriers on offer and purchase
immediately.
- Assigning a family of 9 cats to 4 carriers can
be tricky. We don’t all travel well. Neutered males usually don’t even
notice they’re on the move, but we girls have our preferences on long
journeys, and experience has taught our owners that the two who are most likely
to vomit mid M62 are my mother, Daisy, and sadly, myself. This last move
was a perfect example of this. I had an accident just 5 minutes after
leaving the old house, and hence an emergency stop off in the Aintree
Odean Cinema car park was called for so we could be cleaned up before
embarking on the aforementioned M62.
- Food is a
tricky subject, as I am very fond of it. I do, however, recommend that
only dry food is served the night before travelling, with plenty of water
available on the journey.
- The mode
of transport is important. Ulvika cats prefer a large Volvo Estate, but
put up with a Peugeot Partner if we
have to. These vehicles accommodate 2 very large comfy carriers and litter
trays and afford us a good view of whoever is driving.
- On arrival,
it is important to realise that owners will be tired, cross and in need of
a kettle and teaspoon. Sit patiently in your carrier and then emit the odd
loud call, or feign a fight, so they remember you are there. They will
then move you to an empty room with a “Beware of the Cats” sign on the
door. Be patient, you will be allowed to explore later. After they have
found the teaspoon.
- This is
the fun bit. Exploring a new house, scent marking your territory and
claiming the best windowsill is always more fun than the human
preoccupation with paperwork and unpacking. However, if they’ve used
packing paper, then hours of fun can be had chasing scrunched up balls of
the stuff around the house.
- Establish
where your trays are and also where your food will be served. Once
drinking fountains have been plugged in, deter younger members of the
family from using them as a bidet. It is also crucial to locate where
humans will have lunch. This is a good time for being given titbits of
sandwich filling,or crisps. Be one step ahead - sit patiently, awaiting
the first piece of cold ham thrown in your direction.
- Maintain
your pecking order. A change of environment can cause other members of
your feline family to mount a sudden challenge to your superiority. This
must be stamped on immediately. Humans will attribute the odd tiff to
having moved, so if you have been yearning to have a go at one of your
older Aunties, now is the time to grab the opportunity while you could
easily get away with it.
- It is highly likely that younger, more fertile
members of your family will now return. It is also likely that they may be
expecting a litter of kittens, though they might not be aware of it. This,
too, can lead to outbreaks of hormonal behaviour, which will be excused by
humans, so don’t let this chance of a spat slip by.
- The advent of kittens is a joyful period of
time. Extra titbits and tasty food is available, and should be taken
advantage of at every opportunity. As chief midwife, I am always extra
vigilant at this time, and assert my authority frequently as the expectant
Mum will need my attention after 63 days, and must also be aware that I am
in charge.
- Do remember, if you are a social media
personality like I am, to inform your followers of your new contact
details. If you don’t want uninvited visitors, be vague on Facebook and
Twitter as to the precise location of your house.
- If these Rules are followed, you will have a
happy experience in your new environment. Be kind to each other and to
your humans. They don’t seem to follow the same rules as we do, and can
become very stressed when moving home. Give them some extra attention and
purr more than usual. They love you. And you own them.....
©Jane
Bancroft All inquiries re available Ulvika kittens to Jane.Bancroft@btinternet.com
